Ep 24: Help! 40 is the new 30

It's all too easy for me to imagine Clint likewise thinking,

"I'm too old for this shit."

(The Peekskill Commuter is being broadcast from New York City all week long)

Friday, April 19

This morning I woke up stiff as a board.

If I was my teenager, Enzo, I could see how you might have misinterpreted that.

But I'm not 14. I'm 45, and feeling it.

Lately, there's a lot buzz around couples and women-on-their-own having babies later-in-life.

There have been many high profile older parents lately.  Courtesy of Madame Noire, here’s a short list of some of the celeb dads who showcase the trend:

• At 71, Richard Williams, father of Venus and Serena Williams, just gave them a brother, courtesy of him and his 31-year-old wife.

• Steve Martin, become a father for the first time at 67, with 41 year-old wife Anne Stringfield.

• Actor Kelsey Grammar fathered his fifth child at age 55 with 29 year-old girlfriend Kayte Walsh.

• At age 54, actor Alec Baldwin and yoga instructor to the stars, wife Hilaria (28), are expecting a baby girl.

• David Letterman became a father when he was 56 and has since been quoted saying, “Life is no longer solely about you . . . It’s about him.”

And born in Peekskill, Mel Gibson became a father for the eighth time at 51 with girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva.

The list goes on and on (their age at birth): Helen Hunt, Brooke Shields & Emma Thompson (40), Julianne Moore, Nicole Kidman, & Salma Hayek (41), Meryl Streep & Celine Dion (42), Christie Brinkley (41 & 44), Halle Berry (41 & 45), Susan Sarandon (42 & 46), Kelly Preston & Holly Hunter (47), Geena Davis (46 & 48), Hugh Grant (50), Cheryl Tiegs (52), John Travolta (56), Michael Douglas (58), Sir Paul McCartney (61), Hugh Hefner (64), Larry King (65), Rod Stewart and Clint Eastwood (66).

(Sources: I Love It When You Call Me Big Papa: Celebs Who Fathered Kids Late In Life; Celebrity Moms After 40)

According to a recent piece from the London’s Daily Mail Online, “experts blame the trend on the rising costs of housing and childcare, advances in fertility treatment that allow couples to 'cheat' nature - not to mention the soaring divorce rate, which means men are having second and even third marriages, and therefore often feel obliged to have children with each of their new partners.”

The statistics are staggering.  The same paper reported that the “average age of woman having first child continues to rise due to 'spending more time in education'. The average age of a woman having her first child in 2004 was 27, three years later than in 1974, when the average age was 24.” Today the average age is 29.

Nearly half of all babies born in 2010 were to mothers aged 30 and over;  women over the age of 35 accounted for a fifth of the total in maternity wards, almost four times as many as in 1977; and the number of women having babies over the age of 45 has more than tripled in just over a decade.

The same goes for men, “For the past 10 years, statistics show that nearly two-thirds of babies have been born to fathers aged 30 and over,” reports the BBC. The Brits are apparently obsessed with this subject.
The figures also show the number of children born outside of marriage reaching a record high of 47.2 per cent. Four out of 10 mothers over the age of 45 were also unmarried.

Personally, I blame it all on Madonna.

She gave birth to Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon in 1996 at the age of 38. Four years later at 42, she releases her second child, Rocco. 

At the time, it was a pretty big deal that she was birthing so late in life. Given her phenomenal popularity and influence, as well as her inclination for stirring things up, she ultimately became the emblem for this revolution—paving the way for the inevitable paring of maternity wards in nursing homes.

The only problem is that people don’t realize, or remember, having a baby and raising children is a lot of work. Madonna had earned multiple millions by the time she had her first child, so she could afford the childcare.

Even though we have help too, I still can’t help but feel, on occasion, I’m too old for this shit.

This morning, Milo woke up at six.  I tried to ignore his crying, but his pitch and plea for “come get me” was only getting louder with every second of hesitation. With aching elbows, I slowly picked him up and placed him on my shoulders, hoping he would miraculously fall back asleep a few seconds later. Yeah, right.

Within a couple of minutes I knew I was only dreaming.

Thus, as I’ve done almost every day this week, I put him in bed between us and scurried into the kitchen to fix him a bottle. The last couple of days Chelsea has changed his diaper meanwhile, but today she was sound asleep, so I did it myself upon my return.

It was at this moment that I was reminded that parenthood should be the reserve and responsibility of those younger than I. Simply lifting his legs to scoot the pamper beneath his bottom was a task of arthritic proportions.

Immediately after Milo was born, I’ve been taking a tablet of Glucosamine Chondroitin every day, which purportedly helps restore cartilage and relieve pain caused by osteoarthritis. Plenty of studies have reportedly shown this is not true, but I still take it anyway, just in case they're wrong. Even if the effects are psychosomatic, the faux motivation helps.

After we were settled back in and the baby was sleeping again, I could hear Sid, our ten-year old, up at 6:45, clinking and clanging in the kitchen, apparently, making an early breakfast for himself. The click-click-click of the stovetop made me a bit nervous, but I successfully ignored my anxiety and went back to sleep.

Addressing the subject of having a baby later in life, Dr. Phil says, "Age is not just a state of mind. It makes a good story, but it's not. It is a state of body, it is a state of organs, and the mortality risk goes up as you get older." 

He ends his advice by recommending the following to us older folks: “You’ll have to prepare your child for the eventuality of your death.”

Good point.

Albeit many of us are living longer and were confident that this will increase exponentially with every new discovery and advance in medicine, the fact is that the chances of us dying still increase with age. Thus, kids with older parents are far more likely to have to say goodbye at a younger age than others. 

And many of us know that getting old ourselves helps us deal with the notion that our parents are not getting any younger and that we may have to say goodbye, sooner than later. If you’re still young and you have to deal with that loss, that’s a whole different story.

Moreover, these kids are also far more likely to have to deal with a parent with Alzheimer's or some form of dementia. The stats for this are likewise staggering - 1 out of 3 seniors these are dying with the disease. 

So, if you’re over forty and considering having your first or another, think more than twice. There’s more to having children than simply waking up stiff in the morning.  

;   )

The Peekskill Commuter


p.s. Heed as I say, not as I do. Come August we’re having our fifth, Olivia. Three months later I’ll turn 46.